Life and times of keah

Breast cancer awareness

2011-09-24T22:55:00.003+02:00

Ok. So I just now found out that the recent meme on Facebook with a number (let's say 38) and a time (for instance 10 minutes) was actually a campaign of sorts to raise awareness of breast cancer.
How on earth is your shoe size and the time spent to fix your hair going to achieve that!?
Particularly as I've seen a number of comments where someone asked what the numbers were all about and only got a mocking "You're curious, aren't you" or something along those lines for an answer. It feels like a feeble attempt to reach the benighted populace and frankly I think it has mostly failed.

I can't say that I know much about breast cancer other than what I've recently come across in blogs and on parenting forums.
Breastfeeding reduces risk of breast cancer.

Don't mind if I do. :-)
*crawls into bed with the 1yo and prepares for a night of at least two feeds*

keah

Energy from new tasks

2011-09-22T20:23:00.002+02:00

It's absolutely amazing how much energy you can get from learning new things. Today at work I had the opportunity to learn a new task, a pretty simple one but still really satisfying.

Beats coffee any day.

:-)

Contemplations on a year gone by

2011-09-16T21:00:00.002+02:00

I’m not much for looking back. I much rather plan ahead, sometimes forgetting to live in the present. But this time I feel like I ought to take a moment or two to reflect on the past year. So much has changed during that time and it deserves some attention.

Like so many first time parents I had no idea what to expect once the baby was born. I can’t say that I was overwhelmed with love right away, but the instinct to protect and take care of her was very strong and that was enough as I had convinced myself that I would do great as a mother no matter how the start of the journey would be. The first three or so months were very much about adjusting to the new situation, getting to terms with not getting as much done as one would have wanted while at the same time trying to not feel guilty about being tired and disinclined to do much of anything on some days.

Then at the beginning of the new year, baby coming up to four months, life as I knew it was slowly starting to knock on the door again. I went back to choir taking the little one with me and it went swimmingly! I’m so so so happy about this. I got to see people regularly without having to trot off to open preschool, which I really didn’t enjoy that much. And the best part, of course, I got to sing other stuff than children’s songs.

Meanwhile, we started looking at moving houses, and towns even. Stuff that still needed fixing in the flat, the myriad of little details that never seem to get done, got a sudden deadline when we found and bought a flat in Uppsala and had to start prepping for selling the one in Stockholm. Storage was rented, boxes bought and filled with stuff that we could do without for a few months until we could unpack them at out new place. Even if the housing market was a little slow we got a fair price for our flat and in June we waved goodbye to Ormkärr and Stockholm.

Since all this moving business, and planning for refurbishing of the new place (wisely enough we hired professionals to do that this time around), took a lot of energy the thought of going back to work sort of got pushed aside. Beforehand I had a plan of sorts that I would go back to work in July while my husband would be at home with the baby for the rest of the year. I would then go back to maternity leave for two months over Christmas and New Year to avoid the stress of the annual most extremely hectic time at my work. Now with the move it was simply easier for all involved for me to stay home for a full year. Also I’m hoping to find a new job in Uppsala instead of having to commute to Stockholm so in a best case scenario the hectic end of year period might not be a problem if things go my way. Then again, who says I have to work full time or at all! The thought had never crossed my mind before being a mother. Now, mainly due to the long commute, I work part-time and I am beginning to see myself doing that for the long run if our finances permit. At least being open to the idea feels really liberating and I don’t mind it if life takes another turn than I thought it would. That is really something, coming from the neat-freak/control-freak/structure-needy me.

So coming up on a full year as mother I give you and myself this message:
Life is in your hands, rejoice in it. And feel no need to throw a hissy fit in the event of the unexpected.

keah

World Breastfeeding Week

2011-08-07T22:40:00.001+02:00

The World Breastfeeding Week is coming to an end and I want to make a post about it but my thoughts on the subject are all over the place so I'm afraid it would be a rather messy read. I'll start with a few links and see where I end up. :-)

About World Breastfeeding Week at Dr Momma, peaceful parenting.

Why African babies don't cry. Also from peaceful parenting.

More from peaceful parenting. About the effect of the language used when talking about how to feed the baby.

Breastfeeding in Mongolia.

Paper (in Swedish) on mothers' attitudes towards long term breastfeeding.

And last but not least Amningsbloggen. Blog for the Swedish Breastfeeding Help. (Directly translated, apologies if there is a proper English name already in use for this organisation.) Always open in a tab in my browser.

I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to breastfeed. I'm rather lazy and I love how practical breastfeeding is. You get used to dealing with bottles, breast pumps and formula if that is what you have to do, but I'm very pleased that this is not the case for us. I wish that every mother is able to choose what she feels is best for her family and even if I do believe the health benefits to be superior with breastmilk I understand that there are situations where it simply isn't to be. Whatever the mother chooses should be supported to achieve the very best outcome possible.

Since the birth of Sinje I have read lots of interesting stuff about attachment parenting, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and so on and I am amazed at how well it resonates with me. Beforehand I didn't really have a strategy for parenting and I don't see myself outlining one even now, but I take bits and pieces I like to heart and hope that the best I can do will be good enough. I will most likely feel guilty about not being perfect in one sense or another but I hope I'll be able to trust that my child grows up to be a well adjusted human being anyway.

It took most of the day to write this post. Playing with the little one, cooking, eating, coffee/tea with relatives, putting baby to sleep (twice for naps and once for the night, though that proved unsuccessful and she's now sleeping on me in the wrap instead) and other everyday events got in the way of me sitting down and focusing on the blog. Not to mention the breastfeeding. :-) I'm thrilled that she's become so communicative now and can show me that she wants some mummy-milk and/or -cuddle. \o/ Just a few months ago I was still guessing and quite often offering when she had no interest at all to feed. I suppose some of it was the phase in her development when she was simply too distracted by her surroundings to eat. I guess it doesn't help that her mother takes out the camera and tries to get a nice feeding picture. *grins*

She's such a cutie, and I'm not the least bit biased. ;-)

keah

She's here!

2010-09-23T22:20:00.004+02:00

Knytet has arrived and it's a girl. After a rather lengthy delivery she was born on 19 September. She was breathing a bit too fast and had to spend her first day and a half at the neonatal unit. Then we got to bring her over to where we were staying at the materinty ward. We just got home today and are eager to start figuring things out for ourselves, to start this new phase of our lives. Parenting.

I'm the mother of this beautiful creature! :-)

keah

Nightly adventures

2010-09-15T10:43:00.004+02:00

With the EDD coming up I have some trouble sleeping through the night. For the longest time I didn't have to get up to go to the loo, but I did have to turn over in bed and lie on the other side (lying on my back hasn't been possible for quite some time, it feels like I don't get enough air). Now it's both these things that are waking me up.
To make things a little easier the husband and I decided to switch sides in bed so that I can sleep closer to the door and hallway (where the loo is). Last night was the first night with this new arrangement. We fell asleep alright even though it felt a bit strange to suddenly have him on the other side of me than what's been the case for the past 13 years... I expected of course that I'd have to get up at around 3 or so but I couldn't really imagine the abrupt awakening.

I was dreaming that I was up in the mountains somewhere hiking as a part of a group activity. I was in a group leading position and had gone ahead to find and prepare a good site for resting. I spotted a few snakes lying on some rocks in the sun and poked at them with a stick to get them to move since I thought the site was otherwise just perfect for our group. With that taken care of I strolled off and failed to see another snake that got so disturbed by my presence that it lunged out at me. Startled I threw myself to the side and escaped the bite. Dreams can be quite vivid at times and this one of course was, which is why I found myself waking up on the floor, having hurled myself out of the bed to get away from the snake! All I could do once the shock from the dream had passed was of course to laugh about it. The sight of a heavily pregnant woman fearing for her life and hurling herself to the side only to land on the floor beside the bed would have to be just striking.

:-D

keah

Just for fun

2010-09-12T13:21:00.004+02:00

Very pregnant ninja

:-D

keah

Friday the 13th and 13 workdays to go

2010-08-13T08:00:00.003+02:00

YES! I'm really counting down to when I leave work. Even though EDD is 23 September (and since first time mothers often go a little longer it might even go until October before this baby decides to show up) I'm really really happy that I decided to not work any longer than until the end of August. I'm really tired and sore and as usual my job is insanely stressful in the summer. It never lets up even though most other parts of the company get a bit of down time during summer.

I'm actually more sore than I anticipated and with the summer heat I turn into this whining monster (well, monster-ish, and mostly rather friendly still) who would rather be somewhere a bit more winterish right now.

I try to stay in good spirits and focus on preparing for meeting our child in the not too distant future, but it's hard. It still feels somewhat unreal to look at my big belly in the mirror and realise that is my own reflection I'm seeing.

*looking forward to meeting Knytet*

keah

A relaxed approach to life?

2010-05-24T12:15:00.003+02:00

Today I'm feeling really stressed. This Saturday we're leaving for a week of vacation in Turkey with my husbands family. Between now and then there are sooo many things I would like to accomplish I feel like my head is spinning. Mostly things to do with the kitchen of course, but other stuff as well that aren't as important but highly symbolic.
It goes back to the long and impossible list of what I want to be and accomplish to feel like a successful human being. It annoys me that such things keep coming back, but apparently they do and I have to keep working on liking myself for what I am and not what I do.

It's a long way still to getting a really relaxed approach to life, but then again, maybe I wouldn't be me if I didn't have the urge to keep busy...

In times of stress though I feel that music can be very helpful. Today I turned to the fabulous album From a safe distance by Abalone Dots. Highly recommended!

*hums and breathes*

keah

The one about being pregnant, week 22

2010-05-17T22:11:00.003+02:00

Time is slowly ticking along, belly is really growing now and I'm enjoying it more than I could ever imagine. Knytet (the Bundle) is moving lots and I can both see and feel it. It looks really funny when you see something poking around under your skin. *alien* ;-)

I'm feeling fine, mostly, and sometimes get a little fed up with people constantly asking me how I'm doing. I do realise that it's out of concern (and a bit of curiosity I'm sure), but when you get the question every single day it's a little tiring and I don't really know what to say. I don't feel like talking about my health and the state of my body that much more just because I'm pregnant, but how do you tell people that without being rude?

Another thing I've noticed is that people keep telling me how I'm now eating for two and in that implying that it's ok to have an extra serving while pregnant. Seeing as I've never really had any problems with either food, my weight or body image I'm a little surprised that I react at all, but I get annoyed about this for some reason. My comeback to this comment is that I eat when I'm hungry and I don't care how many people it's for. Period.

At the moment we've started refurbishing part of the kitchen. We're getting a new freezer and fridge and building new cabinets to go on top of them and also a new broom cabinet. It's a lot of work, but I'm so happy we finally got it rolling. I'm really positive about it taking much less time than when we did the spare room. *grins* That shouldn't be too hard I think. That said, when we moved in almost three years ago we had visions for a lot more change than what we have now achieved. Now however we're most likely looking at moving within the next 18 months given that we think we'll need more space with a toddler and also because we want to be on the ground floor rather than three flights of stairs up. We like our flat, but our needs are clearly changing so we have to accommodate for that.

Interesting times... Life changing even.

:-)

keah

The blanket

2010-04-20T11:27:00.000+02:00

I identify a lot with being a crafty person. In the crochet and knitting projects I feel very creative even when following a pattern someone else wrote. Most of the time I don't really manage to do exactly as the pattern calls for anyway, I have my own way of doing things and often like to add or subtract a little to put more of myself into the project. The crocheted blanket shown on the picture below is one of those really easy things that stay with me for many months as it is the perfect project for when you are really focusing on something else, like the tv or a conversation.

The pattern is Soft waves from the book
200 ripple stitch patterns by Jan Eaton.
I've made two baby blankets from this pattern before but this time the recipient isn't a friend or relative like previous times.
Let me introduce the future owner of this blanket.

Life is gradually changing for yours truly and in September this little bundle will join the family and make the transition from wild and crazy (:-D as if I ever was...) to settled and maternal complete.

Mother-to-be... Strange thought.

keah

The little ones

2010-02-19T20:24:00.000+01:00

This weekend we celebrate having the little ones with us for a year. I almost feel ashamed for not having put up pictures of them.

Hilla 1 year old

Atle 1 year old

Our sweet cuddlies

They're lovely, playful, naughty and I love them!

*birdlover*

keah

2010

2010-02-01T20:58:00.001+01:00

This year has had a fairly good start. It's still winter in Stockholm, I've continued the exercise I started in 2009, I've knitted baby clothes for friends who welcomed their second child just a few days ago. The coming weeks will be just as busy with choir concert, bird sitting, seeing friends, attending a wedding, getting started on more baby clothes for two sets of friends whose little ones are expected to arrive early April.

I have a strong feeling this month will fly past even faster than January did and I don't mind that the slightest. A big part of why is that I'm not exactly happy with work. Too much to do on too few people under normal circumstances and in addition to that one colleague is on sick leave... Not that the situation is likely to get better in March, but we'll at least be one month closer to Easter and some time off. Trying to focus on the positive here. *grins*

Easter is for going north and seeing the families. Most of all of course the latest addition, my niece, born in November. I get frequent updates from my sister and of course pictures galore, but that doesn't even come close to the real thing. We got to see her over Christmas, but at that point she was mostly about eating, sleeping, crying and not that communicative being just one month old. I'm thrilled about being able to follow her grow and evolve into a little person.

Here's to evolving!
Cheers!

keah

Ode to snow

2009-12-15T12:32:00.000+01:00

I love winter! You know proper winter with snow and degrees below zero. With that in mind I'm really stupid for living where I live since both those things are rare in these parts. Not to mention the utter lack of the fifth season spring-winter. But this really accentuates the pure joy I feel on days like these.

It's snowing in Stockholm!

*snowhappy*

keah

November

2009-11-18T12:10:00.000+01:00

People around me keep complaining about the weather. Dark, gloomy, rainy, cold, dark. Yes, dark twice since that is what gets people the most it seems.
Apparently November has the worst weather of the year. Apparently the fact that it's dark when you wake up and dark when you go home from work causes you to become this whining creature who can't stop obsessing about the weather.

I don't mind November.

Sure constant rain is a bit impractical and there might be things you put off doing because of it, but I don't mind November weather. It gives me a perfect excuse to stay inside and cuddle up on the sofa with a cup of tea and watch tv.
I can't even say that I feel more tired now when it gets dark sooner. A big plus about it getting dark is that I get to admire my reflection in any window without having to go find a mirror! Hee! And I do like my reflection. Just a little while go I answered an online survey about my body image as a woman. One of the questions was about the likelihood of me getting cosmetic surgery if I didn't have to worry about the financial bits. I answered Not likely. The problems I have with my body have nothing to do with how it looks. Aches and pains and things like that have more to do with actual function than perception.

Another thing about November is that it seems that it goes by really quickly. At least to me this year. First half already behind us and the rest is just a short pit stop before the holiday season kicks in.

Speaking of holiday season; I will have to start figuring out what to get the families for Christmas. Only 36 days to go.

keah

So this swine flu thing

2009-11-05T19:30:00.002+01:00

News, factiods, rumours, horror stories. It's really hard to identify the useful and reliable bits from all the buzz. My policy so far has been to stay out of the discussion since I haven't made my mind up yet. The other day though I found this and felt that it says very much of what I have been thinking. Horrible headline though.
I still haven't decided whether I should take the vaccine or not, but leaning towards not...

In the meantime I knit. Swine flu.

*grins*

And remember to wash your hands!

keah

Vacation hysteria

2009-06-26T21:14:00.003+02:00

It might be that I'm too fresh into the workforce to have actually entered the everlasting loop of working for the next vacation. For weeks now people at work have been more or less greeting each other with the question of when the vacation starts, how many weeks left to work until Freedom. It seems that they get surprised that I'm not counting down, even now with only two work weeks to go. ;-) It's not like I don't know when I get to not go to work for a couple of weeks, but I try not to make such a big deal about it. Those weeks will go by really quickly and then it's back to the grindstone again.
Not to mention the expectations for what you're supposed to accomplish and do with your time off. "Are you going abroad? Staying in Sweden, oh, might as well with the financial crisis and everything..." "We're moving to the summer house, lots to do there you know." "Going sailing this year."

Hold on. Now I sound really grumpy. My point is that I'm trying to take a more relaxed approach to life in general these days and since that is something that I have to constantly remind myself of it definitely rubs me the wrong way when people around me start to work up this vacation hysteria and expect me to play along. I can get really obstinate and I imagine that that ticks someone else off. Heh.

I do have plans. Going north to visit the families and enjoying the light of the nordic summer night. The birds are coming along of course and that will be an adventure all in itself, driving some 1000 km with two feathered friends in a small transport cage in the backseat.

Have a great summer!

keah

Blue Christmas

2008-12-07T08:42:00.003+01:00

This second Sunday of Advent is a day of reflection. Soon about to wrap up the second year of living in Stockholm. Life is slightly more organised this time around compared to last year. However, last year I had lots more energy and drive than I have now. I was happy about my job, pleased that my life was getting back on track, had ideas and the motivation to make them happen. Now Christmas is around the corner and it feels like the expectations (my own mostly) of the festive season is falling over me and I have no energy to make anything of it. On the other hand the sane and realistic part of me tells me that life still goes on even if I take a time-out from the hysteria of the season.

It's like I can't see the things we have actually accomplished this past year and be happy about it. I keep focusing on the long to-do list of things we have yet to do, plan, take care of, manage, in order to get the perfect life. How pathetic. I should have learned by now that there is no such thing as a perfect life, but I keep living for "when we've accomplished ... things will get better".

And the sane part of me has a very small voice at the moment so I feel stressed and like a failure for not being able to successfully administer my way through the to-do list.

When I've reorganised the kitchen cupboards, bought new beds, built a wardrobe, bought home office furniture, baked ginger thins, gotten birds, done the laundry, put up the new bathroom cabinet and lamp, started exercising, found a new and interesting job...

... then I'll be happy

keah

The art of blogging eludes me

2008-11-07T21:25:00.003+01:00

I suppose I'll never get the hang of this, but I won't give up this space on the net just yet.

Life is trotting along as per usual. Get up in the morning, get ready, go to work (almost an hour commute), work, go home, make dinner, maybe watch some tv, go online to check out LiveJournal, Facebook, assorted bird related pages, get ready for bed, go to sleep.
Wednesdays is choir, Thursdays (not every week though) is for knitting and crocheting with the crafts group.

We're trying to finish up with the refurbishing of the spare room (home office/future bird room). We've had to pause a number of times since we started due to having guests stay over. I love having people over and having friends and family come visit us, but the project with the room feels like it's dragged on forever because of it. Our latest deadline is next weekend, more friends coming to stay. The occasion is a wedding for mutual friends. I'm really looking forward to this, but it also brings on a fair amount of stress to get done. This time though I'm rather hopeful to get there.

In any case, this thing about blogging. I know I'll never be the type of person to update every day. Not even every week. But off and on I'll have thoughts that just need to get out there and for those occasions this is the place to put them.

Long live the Internet.

*grins*

keah

Longing for a winter that never happened

2008-03-13T19:35:00.001+01:00

This winter has been a huge disappointment. I knew that moving south would mean that we wouldn't get to see as much snow as we're used to from home, but last winter was ok and the timing with snow was wonderful for when Kat and Sarah came to visit. We've had some snow this year too, but it hasn't stayed long at all and it's mostly been rain falling from the sky.

Winter here is wet, dark and seems to be going on forever. I have now stopped hoping for snow, though you never know what April brings, anything can happen still. Another aspect to the tedium of this season may well be the poor state of my health. I've been blessed with a cold four times in the past six months. I don't know if I should start worrying that there might be something fundamentally wrong that my body is trying to draw my attention towards... My mother claims, with the conviction of someone who will never move away from the small town where she was born, that it's the big city air that's maknig me ill. Or the pollution rather, of course. In my bluest moments I'm even prepared to admit she has a point...
I believe there are several factors contributing to the situation. The warm winter being one of them. Another factor may well be that work is feeling really boring more often that not. I really liked it to begin with. I felt that I was learning lots of new things and skills, but somewhere around November-December I realised that this position doesn't really contain much more than that, and when I have that down there won't be very much else allowing me to evolve. I can get into a big whinge about this from time to time and that leaves me feeling ungrateful for having a job at all. I have started applying for other jobs though. Sooner or later I'll be out of here. I've only been promised work until the end of June at this point, with a possible extension for the rest of the year, but I'm rather hoping I'll have found something better (and preferably closer to home) before summer.

I try to end all my posts on a positive note, so I saved the plans for the immediate future for last:
In just a few days we're going up north to see the families for Easter. I miss my parents and I'm looking forward to seeing D's side of the family as well. But the most important part of this trip is to enjoy the fantastic season of spring-winter that we only get in the north of Sweden. It's when there's still snow and cold nights to prevent it from melting, but it warms up during the day and the sun is warm and the weather just amazing! Long walks through snow-clad forests and on the ice of the Bothnian Bay are one of the things we'll occupy ourselves with this coming week. I can hardly wait!

Happy Easter, dear friends!

keah

I'm still here

2007-10-03T18:35:00.000+02:00

Just had a lot on my mind what with getting sorted in our home, unpackning, finding a job, starting work, adjusting to some sort of everyday routine...
I can't claim to have that last bit sorted even now, but I'm hoping things will settle down soon.

We've had visitors. My parents helped get our stuff down here and stayed a few days. Then my sister and brother-in-law came down on a brief holiday and at the same time D's parents visited as well, but they stayed with D's uncle. Then my friend from Iceland came to visit me. We've known each other online for the past four years but never met in person before, so it was really great to finally see her. Unfortunately this clashed some with me starting work, so we didn't get full days to enjoy each other's company, but her coming to see me was still a success.

I invited my crafting group over for coffee/tea and crafting night. I have to admit, I love to entertain, to have people over at my place. These women are great. I'm the youngster, of course, but they seem to forget that from time to time, or at least they don't make a big deal out of it.
A few nights later we had a small house warming party, this too was a great event even though quite a few of our friends were out of town or elsewhere engaged.

In September we've had our friend C living with us, she got an extension on her summer job but nowhere to stay, so we offered her our spare room and inflatable mattress. It's been great having her here, she's one of my closest friends these days and I feel we've become even closer during this time. Her boyfriend who lived and worked in Gothenburg got a new job and moved even further south and C will now go down to live with him. It will be very strange not having her around every day, but of course I want her to go live with her boyfriend and make herself at home in their new place. She's applying for jobs right and left, but nothing has turned up so far.

Speaking of work, I got a job three months ago now. I'm employed by a temping agency and working at a pharmaceutical company as certificate administrator. In short this means that I write and compile documents that get sent out to medical authorities in different countries when we apply for approval of our products. Then the same or slightly different paperwork get sent along when the products get shipped to customers worldwide. I love it! This job is so right for me. I get to be organised and detailed and I can systemize all I want. *grins* Now I'm waiting for the company to sort out the papers in order to take me over from the temping agency and hire me. The contract would be until June next year and after that noone knows as it depends on so many things. In any case, for me to be employed by the company instead of the temping agency means that I get a bunch of benefits and above all better pay, so I'm very anxious for them to get this done.

I also joined a choir nearby. The main reason why I wanted to join this particular choir was that they are doing Rutter's Gloria this semester. It's so much fun! It took some persuasion before I was in since it's already a rather large group, but I think it tipped over to my advantage that I had done Rutter before. At this stage it's a plus that the choir is close to home, even though the choir itself isn't exactly what I hoped for. I have to start somewhere and work from there and while trying to figure out this life of ours with everyday routines and all I may as well make it easy on myself. I'm happy to have found a choir anyway, I've missed singing and I feel rather out of practise, I must say.

Life keeps happening here and it seems that lately there's been rather a lot of it.

*smiles*

keah

We have a home

2007-05-21T18:04:00.000+02:00

And again I say unto you, we have a home, at long last. I'm thrilled and a little bit nervous.

*bounces*

It was a speedy business to say the least. We saw the place on Wednesday 18 April, bidding race was full on the morning after and we signed papers on the evening Thursday 19 April. Then we had a home loan meeting at the bank on Monday 23 April. Since then we've also been approved as members of the tenant-owner's association so now there is nothing standing in the way for us getting the flat.

We've been over there again to chat with the current owners and to take some measurements, look at the storage room and things like that. There are a few things that we want to do to the place, such as putting up new wallpaper in one of the rooms, repainting the walls in another, stuff like that. We won't rush it though, it'll be ours and we get to do things at our own pace.

Midsummer, usually quite a busy party weekend for all Swedes, will this year be spent preparing for the move. We'll move in the weekend before but all our things get there on the 25th of June. I will fly up north and help organise and load the truck. Then my parents will drive down and I'll ride with them, hopefully making it here before the guy driving the truck. It will be like getting hundreds of presents for Christmas, most of our stuff has been in boxes for three years!

This makes me feel a tad materialistic, I like my things and I have missed having them around. Quite a few items that we got as wedding presents we never got the opportunity to use before packing them away. We have a lovely wine rack that I hope we can find a good spot for, a beautiful table cloth that D's grandmother made us, and lots of nifty kitchen-related things and appliances that I've longed to be able to use again. It makes me happy just thinking about it all. Materialism is quite real, and beauty and happiness in objects has a lot more to it than I have previously thought. At this point I'm not worrying about it though, I'm just looking forward to moving in to our new place.

Home sweet home.

keah

Overdosing on nice, and how to make new friends

2007-05-04T15:00:00.000+02:00

Recently we had a full weekend of social gatherings. I got to meet my husband's maternal uncle with family for the first time, quite fascinating seeing as we've been together for almost ten years now, but better late than never I suppose. I was a tad nervous as to what kind of people they would be, but not really worried that they wouldn't like me or anything like that. It developed into quite a pleasant afternoon, but it still took a bit of work to be my most polite and nicest self and be chatty and open, it always does, at least for me.

Directly after that we went on to dinner at D's paternal aunt's place where, apart from the aunt's son and his family, one of D's uncles and his wife were visiting. Without making any judgement on classes or social segments of society I will admit that the unwritten rules on behaviour are a lot more apparent here than I am used to. So the "nice and polite" continued for the rest of the evening. I was quite tired once we got home, and not just because it got rather late. I think I may have exhausted my shallow well of openness at the first visit and then having to keep up the work for another five hours was maybe a little much. I wouldn't be surprised if they noticed...

I don't know if all this is brought on by age difference or if it has something to do with expectations about looking good for family. Feel free to philosophize with me on this.

The evening before visiting all these relatives we were invited to a housewarming party that some friends were having. All partygoers there were around our own age, but apart from the hosting couple had I only met one guy before. Even though I normally would have felt the urge to hide behind D and not reach out to perfect strangers one bit, I ended up having a marvellous time and to top it all off pulled a stunt that I hope will pay off.
At the end of the evening when this certain couple was about to leave I literally jumped them asking for their phone number. A bit flustered I hurried to say that we had really enjoyed talking to them during the course of the evening and would like to stay in touch, and "how on earth do people make new friends these days anyway!?". They looked a bit surprised but then handed over a mobile phone for me to insert my own number for them to save. Later when D and I were on our way home I looked at my phone to see a message from this couple, giving us their number along with a thanks for the evening's company. It felt really good that I had asked them, it's not like I have anything to lose.

*is a tad smug*

Take care all!

keah

Too exciting big city life

2007-05-03T15:09:00.000+02:00

One aspect of big city living is something I didn't really expect I had to get used to. Maybe I don't, but I will no doubt come across it again.

Saturday (or actually already Sunday) when we were on our way home from a housewarming party there were a bunch of youngsters on the bus. At least one of them had a swastika on the sleeve of his jacket, so we'll label them nazis for the sake of clarity. They were hollering along to some white supremacy-like music and drinking beer. We were sitting just two seats behind them and so were a couple of middleaged couples, who sighed and muttered about the behaviour of the nazis, and I could tell something was going to happen sooner or later.

As one of the nazis had finished his beer he threw the can toward the back of the bus, where a girl of foreign heritage happened to be sitting, causing a cascade of beer drops to hit a number of people on the way. That proved to be the last straw for one of the middleaged men in the bus and enraged he went up to the nazi guy. I'm not entirely sure what he hoped to achieve by that, other than express his disgust over that sort of behaviour, but of course the nazi only took it as an excuse to start a fight. He got out of his seat ready to take a swing at the older guy, but he didn't get far before a number of people got between them, myself included.

I'll pause here to explain how I came to the decision to go between. I realise that I'm putting myself at risk by doing so, you never know if a knife suddenly presents itself. However, the main point for me here is that I believe I as female have an advantage in situations like these. If a guy should go between he would only add more of what's already there when it comes to body mass, gender, and tone of voice. A girl is smaller, can come from below, and can talk with a significantly different tone of voice and that creates a distraction that helps with calming the situation. Also there is a boundary that even brutes like this guy won't cross and that is hitting a girl in public.

I went up to the nazi to fully concentrate on him, to calm him down and to make him realise that nothing good would come from him fighting the older guy. I could tell that he got rather puzzled as to why there was this girl standing next to him, touching him and talking to him, and most of all standing in the way of him getting to the man, all he wanted to do was to take a punch at the old geezer. As I was seeking eyecontact with the nazi I didn't pay any attention to what was happening behind me, but I suppose someone dragged the older guy away from the heat as well. It took a while, but finally the nazi started to actually hear what I was saying to him and calmed down. In the mean time the bus driver had called security, but since there was no fighting going on they just followed the bus in case something more would happen. Some of the other nazis got a bit jumpy and worried that they would get in trouble and got off the bus, but a couple of them were still riding when D and I got off at our stop.

I was never really worried for myself during all this, but I sure got my adrenaline kick afterwards. I'm fairly sure I would make the same decision again if I had to, but I also know that it might not be as smooth as this time.

keah

Bread

2007-05-02T18:00:00.000+02:00

I baked today. It smells lovely.

And I'm having a hard time letting it sit there. I plan on waiting until my darling husband gets home and we're having supper, but it's tempting to have a bite right now.

*drool*

keah

New year, new goals, new life!

2007-01-17T18:31:00.000+01:00

As the bells of the new year has tolled ...

Our new life is no longer just an illusion in the distant, it is here and now and everything seems to be happening all at once. *smiles*

I have moved down to Stockholm to my love. He goes to work every day and leaves me with a to do-list of insane proportions.

Accommodation - that's a huge project in itself, lots to think about
Work for myself - not exactly a smaller task, that one...
Getting acquainted to the PT system of Stockholm - can't make a judgement yet, but sitting here in the middle of nowhere makes me ache for a car
Buying useful stuff - we can't bring all our things down from Kalix just yet, this cottage is too small and hard to get to with all our things
Comparing prices for useful stuff - we have to manage only on D's salary for now
Planning what to do 2-9 February - Kat (and hopefully Sarah) is (are) coming to visit
Unpack - see how far down the list that one goes...
... and more

I'm sure everything will work out just fine. I'm optimistic, for a change. *grins* It feels good and we have managed to leave Kalix behind and that's huge - having a place to ourselves (albeit just a small cottage out in the woods, such a paradox as we're supposed to be living in the "big city") and planning our future together.

It is time for me to sound the bells for my new life.

*ding dong*

keah

Rest in peace little Ip

2006-11-26T13:34:00.000+01:00

Some things are just too hard to write in English so this will only be a brief paragraph to let you know what has happened.

Saturday 4 November my darling pet bird died. She had become increasingly ill the last two or three weeks, but as any animal she hid it really well. Finally Friday 3 November she stopped eating and drinking and just wanted to sit close to a heat source such as a radiator, lamp, or with one of my parents (she's been living with them since my husband and I don't have a home of our own at the moment).
Saturday morning we stopped by their place to see her. The decision was made to take her to a veterinary and have her put to sleep. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but she just didn't have the strength to live anymore.
She was my first pet and I got to have her in my life for 12 wonderful years.

What I really need to say follows in Swedish.

Lilla söta Ipan. Jag saknar dig så! Du var mitt första husdjur och jag har lärt mig så mycket av dig som jag aldrig kommer att glömma.

När jag var liten var de flesta djur underbara och jag drömde om katter, hundar och kaniner, men eftersom mamma och syster var pälsdjursallergiker fick det helt enkelt stanna vid drömmar. Men när jag 1994 fick träffa nymfparakiten som en klasskompis familj köpt var jag fast - jag visste att fågel var djuret för mig! Nu började operation övertalning. Syster hade flyttat hemifrån så det var bara mamma kvar att bearbeta. Hon fick göra ett allergitest för att fastställa om hon skulle kunna ha en fågel i huset. Oändlig min lycka när det visade sig att det inte skulle vara några problem!
Efter några besök till djuraffären var beslutet taget att vi skulle skaffa en fågel, en grå nymfparakit. Bur införskaffades och iordningställdes och så tisdag 15 november 1994 kom Ipan hem till oss. Hon hette till en början Lucas eftersom ägaren till djuraffären sagt att det var en hanfågel, men när Ipan till vår förvåning efter en tid började lägga ägg fick hon istället kallas Busan, Gumman, Pipan, Skrälle, Fågelfä, osv, allt efter humör och uppförande.

Under åren som gått har vi blivit alltmer lika varann. Jag undrar om det är jag som blivit mer som Ip eller tvärtom, men jag kan bara konstatera att jag verkligen valde rätt, jag är och förblir fågelmänniska (till skillnad från katt- eller hund-dito). Jag kommer aldrig att glömma min älskade Ipan, som gett mig så många underbart roliga stunder.

Thank you, little Ip. Sleep tight my love.

keah

Slipping back to dependent mode

2006-10-15T11:40:00.000+02:00

Now that my darling husband has passed his last exam, *does a little dance of joy*, I'm feeling myself slipping back to a sort of dependent mode. Again I begin to expect him to be the one who gets us out of here when he finds a job. In June, after my semester of administration training at vocational school, I was all pepped to find work and be on my way and provide a new home for us once my darling would finish and follow. Now it's more dependent of where he can find work again. Sure, I can still go and do my own thing if I get a job, but his work will be a big priority since he's significantly more limited (and also significantly more likely to get a good and well paying job) than I am when searching for a suitable position. And no, I don't particularly want us to live in different cities, I feel we've covered that bit already in our relationship.

I'm not sure I like this. Not only is my ego taking another hit (see this post for some reference), but I'm also fearing I'll end up the "domestic matron" (PLH checking back in perhaps) with no career of my own. Not very PC or equal, something I've always thought myself to be, for better or worse...

Not much point in ruminating right now though, our main priority is after all to find work, preferably for both of us, but at least enough to get us out of here. I'm going slightly mad... to quote the forever fabulous group Queen.

*grins*

keah

When is it enough?

2006-09-04T14:33:00.000+02:00

When is the time to give up and take the next crap job that comes around?
Am I only deluding myself that I deserve a career of choice even though I don't have an academic degree?

I really want to get out of here now, start making some money and get a life again. I find myself wondering what it was like to actually have a life, with all the usual every day tasks, a kitchen of your own (over two years now since I last had that...), and a place that is your own and you don't have to take a bunch of other people into consideration every single moment of the day. It's been almost 18 months since we left Australia and embarked on this regressive journey that never seems to end.

I'm getting more pessimistic by the hour almost. For my own sanity I need to find a job.

*sobs*

keah

Revisiting the poetic teen that was me

2006-07-23T09:36:00.000+02:00

In my teens I could be quite the drama queen. I realised that when I recently re-read my old journals from those days. I don't know if I should laugh or cry, but I am very happy to know that you keep evolving and changing as a person as long as you live. *grins* I was never really acting out my angst or drama other than among my closest friends and in my journals, but my, oh, my, that is quite enough.

One thing I'm still very proud of, though, is that I was constantly writing poems. The drama got channeled into a slightly more creative outcome and some of it I still rather like when reading it now 10+ years later. So in a salute to the poetic teen that I once was, here are some thoughts in the form of a poem.

Rocking your world is easy.
Without much effort at all your buttons get pushed.
I can't help feeling almost unjustly lucky.
My world is a considerably more stable and serene place
and my instincts tell me to share the bliss.
But you haven't yet reached the point
where you can fully accept my
gentle nudges of normalcy.
They agitate you and rock your boat
not at all in the way intended.
The rocking of a blissful hurricane.

keah

The joy of people or The tricky task of being social

2006-05-07T19:40:00.000+02:00

At first glance I'm shy and not very sociable and among strangers I sometimes have a hard time masking my wish to just go away. It is for me incredibly hard to just start chatting to people and I depend on those who are gifted with the talent of befriending anyone and everyone. They drag me into a conversation and thanks to them I actually meet new people.
Once you get to know me I am very open and friendly, I still might think twice before opening my mouth, but I enjoy conversation and feel that any subject is a good one. I love my friends, and I really miss having them around. At times I worry about having to make new ones yet again as soon as I (or my darling husband) get a job and move to a totally new place. I'm beginning to realise though, that life tends to work out eventually and I don't think I'll end up a hermit.
While on the subject of social skills; one thing I absolutely hate is smalltalk for the sake of smalltalk! Let's say you're invited to a work/dinner function and you are thrown together with people you rarely talk to at the office and aren't required to work with either. It is now expected of you to make conversation with these people to keep a good and hearty feel of the evening... *shudders* This is definitely something I need to work at and improve!
My sister and I are alike in many ways, but this is one of the areas where she clearly grabbed the good genes and didn't leave any for me. I envy her her social ability and hope that I have at least some shred of companionable skills and in time can be trained to a full-fledged people person!

*grins*

keah

Changing perspectives

2006-04-06T11:37:00.000+02:00

I always pictured myself as an academic, uneventfully going through higher education and getting some relatively well paid job with career prospects. Now I'm beginning to question this dream. I'm not really sure what it was that I was setting out to achieve, except for the well paid employment. No doubt can you reach the long-term goal by other means than university and the fact of the matter is that university studies doesn't suit everyone. Maybe I am one of those people who should take another route to success and fulfillment. Even though the thought of giving up on uni takes a nasty stab at my ego and self image I'm not shying away from it. The path I'm on now with the vocational personal administration training is giving me a long overdue self esteem boost. And most importantly, I get to meet people who didn't consider the highest goal in life to be university studies...
The thought lingers, that if I could get work in a human resourse type position with this personal administration training I might actually get relevant work experience in the field of my choice as well as hands-on social work skills, a quality I have underestimated the necessity of for too long.

*keeps on ruminating*

keah

Life in transit

2006-02-14T21:43:00.000+01:00

Transit versus transition... That's a thought I've been dwelling on for the past few weeks. Where we are now (we, as in my darling husband and myself) feels very much as if just in transit, we are passing through from one place to another. From Luleå to Kalix, while anxiously awaiting the departure to Australia. From Australia back to Kalix, and though still in Kalix we are living for the next step to take us.... Well, to take us out of here and our parents homes, hopefully off to a place to call our own. We are concentrating more on things to come than paying attention to the transition that is happening here and now. We change, grow, evolve further into the people we are to become, but fail to acknowledge the stages on the way.
This is all sad and disconcerting, realising that we are in a way missing out on parts of our lives just by concentrating on what we want the future to be. The good old saying that life is what happens while we make plans for tomorrow comes to mind...
How to rectify this I honestly don't know at this stage, but I think sitting down for a nice conversation over a cup of tea is a good way to start.

:)

keah

Relaxation of sorts

2006-01-23T20:14:00.000+01:00

Throughout my life (I know, I make it sound like I'm fast approaching my retirement here, but I just liked that beginning, so there) I've had hobbies of many different kinds, few of which I have really stuck by. Reading books is one shining example of the opposite, but I hardly count that as a hobby anymore since it's more or less a necessity for life and sanity. *grins*
My mother has always been a keen knitter/crocheter/needleworker and I have since I was a little girl looked at what she produced in awe. From time to time I tried it a bit myself with the guidance from her. Neither needlework nor crocheting really caught on, but knitting on the other hand did. I never made anything big or fancy when I was younger, mostly because of my impatience, but the fascination for knitting remained unbroken.
Summer 2004 I found an old scarf project that I had abandoned at only 30 or something rows. I remembered that the aim had been to create a striped scarf with bright colours and so with a few potentially cold winter and spring months in Melbourne in mind I happily took up the task of knitting my multicoloured scarf. It turned out a lot longer than I had originally planned as I kept finding more and more nice colours to add but it came in very handy as I could wrap it around me and almost use it as a blanket at times.
Last summer I suddenly felt the urge come over me again - I just had to find something to knit! I went to the craft store in town and bought a pattern, yarn, and needles for making a poncho and over the next couple of months I made ponchos left and right for myself, mother, friend, sister. Next I got my friend in Iceland to start knitting and we inspired each other to find new and fun patterns online. Now came the task of understanding a pattern in English. Before I thought it hard enough to decipher all the abbreviations into something that made sense in Swedish, but joy and surprise, it wasn't as hard as I had imagined doing it in English. Internet is quite a help there I must admit but now I happily search English as well as Swedish sites for new patterns.
To connect all this to my headline I have come to the conclusion that I love knitting! It is really rewarding to see something grow from the mere twiddling of your fingers. *grins* And while it is relaxing to do things with your hands and let your mind rest it tends to grow into an obsession with me and I can sit for whole days knitting and just stopping for food once in a while. This makes both my hands and shoulders sore and forces me to stop and listen to my body. Body vs mind... *ponders* I think I'll take my knitting and go watch tv now.

*grins*

keah

TV

2006-01-14T16:45:00.000+01:00

The last week or so I've been thinking a lot about how addicted to TV one can get... MIL in particular gets very hooked and sees (or tapes if they are on in the middle of the night) almost every american police/crime/hospital/whatever show on air in Sweden. But she can't keep them apart, which is sort of funny and tragic at the same time. Without badmouthing my MIL any more I readily admit to beeing easily hooked on tv shows myself. I really like British shows but they only find their way to Sweden every so often, especially in comparison to their American equivalent. When we lived in the flat and had 10 channels (5 of which I actually watched on a regular basis) I got caught watching disgustingly many shows. Half of them I began following "in training" of my procrastinatory skills more than actually seeking them out, but once hooked it's hard to stop. Also in Melbourne I daily turned to the tv for entertainment since a lot of the shows I was used to watching were shown there as well and in addition to that I got acquainted to a number of new ones.
I feel this is slowly turning into a rant, not really what I had in mind so I'll stop now and get on with my train of thought from these past few days.
TV is fun, entertaining, relaxing, thrilling, educational, informative, and more. I, however, have to learn to cut down. There is absolutely nothing with tv that you can't do without. As long as you have access to other sources of news, such as papers, radio, and of course the Internet, being without tv would only result in you having a few less clues at the coffee table at work.

That said, I don't plan on totally giving up tv. There are three shows that I really care to follow these days: The West Wing, Commander in Chief, and Desperate Housewives. Those three and the occasional high quality investigative news programme are enough for me to want a tv.

Hope/motto for days to come (kind of like a late new years resolution I guess...):
Cut down on tv watching time, go rent a movie that you really want to see instead of just landing on the sofa watching to waste time. Or even better put on some music and read a book or just sit and relax.

:)

keah

Wheee!

2006-01-12T21:23:00.000+01:00

I've been fiddling with the css to customize the template. It was fun! I usually don't mess around with coding but I feel rather pleased with myself for having done it. I realise that it's not the least bit complicated, but it's just not anything I usually do.

*grins*

keah

Starting off new...

2006-01-12T17:49:00.000+01:00

I felt the need to create a hideout of my own, so here I am. :) I'm not sure how much will actually be written here, but here's a start anyway.

Hugs

keah