Contemplations on a year gone by

I’m not much for looking back. I much rather plan ahead, sometimes forgetting to live in the present. But this time I feel like I ought to take a moment or two to reflect on the past year. So much has changed during that time and it deserves some attention.

Like so many first time parents I had no idea what to expect once the baby was born. I can’t say that I was overwhelmed with love right away, but the instinct to protect and take care of her was very strong and that was enough as I had convinced myself that I would do great as a mother no matter how the start of the journey would be. The first three or so months were very much about adjusting to the new situation, getting to terms with not getting as much done as one would have wanted while at the same time trying to not feel guilty about being tired and disinclined to do much of anything on some days.

Then at the beginning of the new year, baby coming up to four months, life as I knew it was slowly starting to knock on the door again. I went back to choir taking the little one with me and it went swimmingly! I’m so so so happy about this. I got to see people regularly without having to trot off to open preschool, which I really didn’t enjoy that much. And the best part, of course, I got to sing other stuff than children’s songs.

Meanwhile, we started looking at moving houses, and towns even. Stuff that still needed fixing in the flat, the myriad of little details that never seem to get done, got a sudden deadline when we found and bought a flat in Uppsala and had to start prepping for selling the one in Stockholm. Storage was rented, boxes bought and filled with stuff that we could do without for a few months until we could unpack them at out new place. Even if the housing market was a little slow we got a fair price for our flat and in June we waved goodbye to Ormkärr and Stockholm.

Since all this moving business, and planning for refurbishing of the new place (wisely enough we hired professionals to do that this time around), took a lot of energy the thought of going back to work sort of got pushed aside. Beforehand I had a plan of sorts that I would go back to work in July while my husband would be at home with the baby for the rest of the year. I would then go back to maternity leave for two months over Christmas and New Year to avoid the stress of the annual most extremely hectic time at my work. Now with the move it was simply easier for all involved for me to stay home for a full year. Also I’m hoping to find a new job in Uppsala instead of having to commute to Stockholm so in a best case scenario the hectic end of year period might not be a problem if things go my way. Then again, who says I have to work full time or at all! The thought had never crossed my mind before being a mother. Now, mainly due to the long commute, I work part-time and I am beginning to see myself doing that for the long run if our finances permit. At least being open to the idea feels really liberating and I don’t mind it if life takes another turn than I thought it would. That is really something, coming from the neat-freak/control-freak/structure-needy me.

So coming up on a full year as mother I give you and myself this message:
Life is in your hands, rejoice in it. And feel no need to throw a hissy fit in the event of the unexpected.

keah