Contemplations on a year gone by

I’m not much for looking back. I much rather plan ahead, sometimes forgetting to live in the present. But this time I feel like I ought to take a moment or two to reflect on the past year. So much has changed during that time and it deserves some attention.

Like so many first time parents I had no idea what to expect once the baby was born. I can’t say that I was overwhelmed with love right away, but the instinct to protect and take care of her was very strong and that was enough as I had convinced myself that I would do great as a mother no matter how the start of the journey would be. The first three or so months were very much about adjusting to the new situation, getting to terms with not getting as much done as one would have wanted while at the same time trying to not feel guilty about being tired and disinclined to do much of anything on some days.

Then at the beginning of the new year, baby coming up to four months, life as I knew it was slowly starting to knock on the door again. I went back to choir taking the little one with me and it went swimmingly! I’m so so so happy about this. I got to see people regularly without having to trot off to open preschool, which I really didn’t enjoy that much. And the best part, of course, I got to sing other stuff than children’s songs.

Meanwhile, we started looking at moving houses, and towns even. Stuff that still needed fixing in the flat, the myriad of little details that never seem to get done, got a sudden deadline when we found and bought a flat in Uppsala and had to start prepping for selling the one in Stockholm. Storage was rented, boxes bought and filled with stuff that we could do without for a few months until we could unpack them at out new place. Even if the housing market was a little slow we got a fair price for our flat and in June we waved goodbye to Ormkärr and Stockholm.

Since all this moving business, and planning for refurbishing of the new place (wisely enough we hired professionals to do that this time around), took a lot of energy the thought of going back to work sort of got pushed aside. Beforehand I had a plan of sorts that I would go back to work in July while my husband would be at home with the baby for the rest of the year. I would then go back to maternity leave for two months over Christmas and New Year to avoid the stress of the annual most extremely hectic time at my work. Now with the move it was simply easier for all involved for me to stay home for a full year. Also I’m hoping to find a new job in Uppsala instead of having to commute to Stockholm so in a best case scenario the hectic end of year period might not be a problem if things go my way. Then again, who says I have to work full time or at all! The thought had never crossed my mind before being a mother. Now, mainly due to the long commute, I work part-time and I am beginning to see myself doing that for the long run if our finances permit. At least being open to the idea feels really liberating and I don’t mind it if life takes another turn than I thought it would. That is really something, coming from the neat-freak/control-freak/structure-needy me.

So coming up on a full year as mother I give you and myself this message:
Life is in your hands, rejoice in it. And feel no need to throw a hissy fit in the event of the unexpected.

keah

Blue Christmas

This second Sunday of Advent is a day of reflection. Soon about to wrap up the second year of living in Stockholm. Life is slightly more organised this time around compared to last year. However, last year I had lots more energy and drive than I have now. I was happy about my job, pleased that my life was getting back on track, had ideas and the motivation to make them happen. Now Christmas is around the corner and it feels like the expectations (my own mostly) of the festive season is falling over me and I have no energy to make anything of it. On the other hand the sane and realistic part of me tells me that life still goes on even if I take a time-out from the hysteria of the season.

It's like I can't see the things we have actually accomplished this past year and be happy about it. I keep focusing on the long to-do list of things we have yet to do, plan, take care of, manage, in order to get the perfect life. How pathetic. I should have learned by now that there is no such thing as a perfect life, but I keep living for "when we've accomplished ... things will get better".

And the sane part of me has a very small voice at the moment so I feel stressed and like a failure for not being able to successfully administer my way through the to-do list.

When I've reorganised the kitchen cupboards, bought new beds, built a wardrobe, bought home office furniture, baked ginger thins, gotten birds, done the laundry, put up the new bathroom cabinet and lamp, started exercising, found a new and interesting job...

... then I'll be happy

keah

I'm still here

Just had a lot on my mind what with getting sorted in our home, unpackning, finding a job, starting work, adjusting to some sort of everyday routine...
I can't claim to have that last bit sorted even now, but I'm hoping things will settle down soon.

We've had visitors. My parents helped get our stuff down here and stayed a few days. Then my sister and brother-in-law came down on a brief holiday and at the same time D's parents visited as well, but they stayed with D's uncle. Then my friend from Iceland came to visit me. We've known each other online for the past four years but never met in person before, so it was really great to finally see her. Unfortunately this clashed some with me starting work, so we didn't get full days to enjoy each other's company, but her coming to see me was still a success.

I invited my crafting group over for coffee/tea and crafting night. I have to admit, I love to entertain, to have people over at my place. These women are great. I'm the youngster, of course, but they seem to forget that from time to time, or at least they don't make a big deal out of it.
A few nights later we had a small house warming party, this too was a great event even though quite a few of our friends were out of town or elsewhere engaged.

In September we've had our friend C living with us, she got an extension on her summer job but nowhere to stay, so we offered her our spare room and inflatable mattress. It's been great having her here, she's one of my closest friends these days and I feel we've become even closer during this time. Her boyfriend who lived and worked in Gothenburg got a new job and moved even further south and C will now go down to live with him. It will be very strange not having her around every day, but of course I want her to go live with her boyfriend and make herself at home in their new place. She's applying for jobs right and left, but nothing has turned up so far.

Speaking of work, I got a job three months ago now. I'm employed by a temping agency and working at a pharmaceutical company as certificate administrator. In short this means that I write and compile documents that get sent out to medical authorities in different countries when we apply for approval of our products. Then the same or slightly different paperwork get sent along when the products get shipped to customers worldwide. I love it! This job is so right for me. I get to be organised and detailed and I can systemize all I want. *grins* Now I'm waiting for the company to sort out the papers in order to take me over from the temping agency and hire me. The contract would be until June next year and after that noone knows as it depends on so many things. In any case, for me to be employed by the company instead of the temping agency means that I get a bunch of benefits and above all better pay, so I'm very anxious for them to get this done.

I also joined a choir nearby. The main reason why I wanted to join this particular choir was that they are doing Rutter's Gloria this semester. It's so much fun! It took some persuasion before I was in since it's already a rather large group, but I think it tipped over to my advantage that I had done Rutter before. At this stage it's a plus that the choir is close to home, even though the choir itself isn't exactly what I hoped for. I have to start somewhere and work from there and while trying to figure out this life of ours with everyday routines and all I may as well make it easy on myself. I'm happy to have found a choir anyway, I've missed singing and I feel rather out of practise, I must say.

Life keeps happening here and it seems that lately there's been rather a lot of it.

*smiles*

keah

We have a home

And again I say unto you, we have a home, at long last. I'm thrilled and a little bit nervous.

*bounces*

It was a speedy business to say the least. We saw the place on Wednesday 18 April, bidding race was full on the morning after and we signed papers on the evening Thursday 19 April. Then we had a home loan meeting at the bank on Monday 23 April. Since then we've also been approved as members of the tenant-owner's association so now there is nothing standing in the way for us getting the flat.

We've been over there again to chat with the current owners and to take some measurements, look at the storage room and things like that. There are a few things that we want to do to the place, such as putting up new wallpaper in one of the rooms, repainting the walls in another, stuff like that. We won't rush it though, it'll be ours and we get to do things at our own pace.

Midsummer, usually quite a busy party weekend for all Swedes, will this year be spent preparing for the move. We'll move in the weekend before but all our things get there on the 25th of June. I will fly up north and help organise and load the truck. Then my parents will drive down and I'll ride with them, hopefully making it here before the guy driving the truck. It will be like getting hundreds of presents for Christmas, most of our stuff has been in boxes for three years!

This makes me feel a tad materialistic, I like my things and I have missed having them around. Quite a few items that we got as wedding presents we never got the opportunity to use before packing them away. We have a lovely wine rack that I hope we can find a good spot for, a beautiful table cloth that D's grandmother made us, and lots of nifty kitchen-related things and appliances that I've longed to be able to use again. It makes me happy just thinking about it all. Materialism is quite real, and beauty and happiness in objects has a lot more to it than I have previously thought. At this point I'm not worrying about it though, I'm just looking forward to moving in to our new place.

Home sweet home.

keah