Contemplations on a year gone by

I’m not much for looking back. I much rather plan ahead, sometimes forgetting to live in the present. But this time I feel like I ought to take a moment or two to reflect on the past year. So much has changed during that time and it deserves some attention.

Like so many first time parents I had no idea what to expect once the baby was born. I can’t say that I was overwhelmed with love right away, but the instinct to protect and take care of her was very strong and that was enough as I had convinced myself that I would do great as a mother no matter how the start of the journey would be. The first three or so months were very much about adjusting to the new situation, getting to terms with not getting as much done as one would have wanted while at the same time trying to not feel guilty about being tired and disinclined to do much of anything on some days.

Then at the beginning of the new year, baby coming up to four months, life as I knew it was slowly starting to knock on the door again. I went back to choir taking the little one with me and it went swimmingly! I’m so so so happy about this. I got to see people regularly without having to trot off to open preschool, which I really didn’t enjoy that much. And the best part, of course, I got to sing other stuff than children’s songs.

Meanwhile, we started looking at moving houses, and towns even. Stuff that still needed fixing in the flat, the myriad of little details that never seem to get done, got a sudden deadline when we found and bought a flat in Uppsala and had to start prepping for selling the one in Stockholm. Storage was rented, boxes bought and filled with stuff that we could do without for a few months until we could unpack them at out new place. Even if the housing market was a little slow we got a fair price for our flat and in June we waved goodbye to Ormkärr and Stockholm.

Since all this moving business, and planning for refurbishing of the new place (wisely enough we hired professionals to do that this time around), took a lot of energy the thought of going back to work sort of got pushed aside. Beforehand I had a plan of sorts that I would go back to work in July while my husband would be at home with the baby for the rest of the year. I would then go back to maternity leave for two months over Christmas and New Year to avoid the stress of the annual most extremely hectic time at my work. Now with the move it was simply easier for all involved for me to stay home for a full year. Also I’m hoping to find a new job in Uppsala instead of having to commute to Stockholm so in a best case scenario the hectic end of year period might not be a problem if things go my way. Then again, who says I have to work full time or at all! The thought had never crossed my mind before being a mother. Now, mainly due to the long commute, I work part-time and I am beginning to see myself doing that for the long run if our finances permit. At least being open to the idea feels really liberating and I don’t mind it if life takes another turn than I thought it would. That is really something, coming from the neat-freak/control-freak/structure-needy me.

So coming up on a full year as mother I give you and myself this message:
Life is in your hands, rejoice in it. And feel no need to throw a hissy fit in the event of the unexpected.

keah

Nightly adventures

With the EDD coming up I have some trouble sleeping through the night. For the longest time I didn't have to get up to go to the loo, but I did have to turn over in bed and lie on the other side (lying on my back hasn't been possible for quite some time, it feels like I don't get enough air). Now it's both these things that are waking me up.
To make things a little easier the husband and I decided to switch sides in bed so that I can sleep closer to the door and hallway (where the loo is). Last night was the first night with this new arrangement. We fell asleep alright even though it felt a bit strange to suddenly have him on the other side of me than what's been the case for the past 13 years... I expected of course that I'd have to get up at around 3 or so but I couldn't really imagine the abrupt awakening.

I was dreaming that I was up in the mountains somewhere hiking as a part of a group activity. I was in a group leading position and had gone ahead to find and prepare a good site for resting. I spotted a few snakes lying on some rocks in the sun and poked at them with a stick to get them to move since I thought the site was otherwise just perfect for our group. With that taken care of I strolled off and failed to see another snake that got so disturbed by my presence that it lunged out at me. Startled I threw myself to the side and escaped the bite. Dreams can be quite vivid at times and this one of course was, which is why I found myself waking up on the floor, having hurled myself out of the bed to get away from the snake! All I could do once the shock from the dream had passed was of course to laugh about it. The sight of a heavily pregnant woman fearing for her life and hurling herself to the side only to land on the floor beside the bed would have to be just striking.

:-D

keah

The one about being pregnant, week 22

Time is slowly ticking along, belly is really growing now and I'm enjoying it more than I could ever imagine. Knytet (the Bundle) is moving lots and I can both see and feel it. It looks really funny when you see something poking around under your skin. *alien* ;-)

I'm feeling fine, mostly, and sometimes get a little fed up with people constantly asking me how I'm doing. I do realise that it's out of concern (and a bit of curiosity I'm sure), but when you get the question every single day it's a little tiring and I don't really know what to say. I don't feel like talking about my health and the state of my body that much more just because I'm pregnant, but how do you tell people that without being rude?

Another thing I've noticed is that people keep telling me how I'm now eating for two and in that implying that it's ok to have an extra serving while pregnant. Seeing as I've never really had any problems with either food, my weight or body image I'm a little surprised that I react at all, but I get annoyed about this for some reason. My comeback to this comment is that I eat when I'm hungry and I don't care how many people it's for. Period.

At the moment we've started refurbishing part of the kitchen. We're getting a new freezer and fridge and building new cabinets to go on top of them and also a new broom cabinet. It's a lot of work, but I'm so happy we finally got it rolling. I'm really positive about it taking much less time than when we did the spare room. *grins* That shouldn't be too hard I think. That said, when we moved in almost three years ago we had visions for a lot more change than what we have now achieved. Now however we're most likely looking at moving within the next 18 months given that we think we'll need more space with a toddler and also because we want to be on the ground floor rather than three flights of stairs up. We like our flat, but our needs are clearly changing so we have to accommodate for that.

Interesting times... Life changing even.

:-)

keah