Blue Christmas

This second Sunday of Advent is a day of reflection. Soon about to wrap up the second year of living in Stockholm. Life is slightly more organised this time around compared to last year. However, last year I had lots more energy and drive than I have now. I was happy about my job, pleased that my life was getting back on track, had ideas and the motivation to make them happen. Now Christmas is around the corner and it feels like the expectations (my own mostly) of the festive season is falling over me and I have no energy to make anything of it. On the other hand the sane and realistic part of me tells me that life still goes on even if I take a time-out from the hysteria of the season.

It's like I can't see the things we have actually accomplished this past year and be happy about it. I keep focusing on the long to-do list of things we have yet to do, plan, take care of, manage, in order to get the perfect life. How pathetic. I should have learned by now that there is no such thing as a perfect life, but I keep living for "when we've accomplished ... things will get better".

And the sane part of me has a very small voice at the moment so I feel stressed and like a failure for not being able to successfully administer my way through the to-do list.

When I've reorganised the kitchen cupboards, bought new beds, built a wardrobe, bought home office furniture, baked ginger thins, gotten birds, done the laundry, put up the new bathroom cabinet and lamp, started exercising, found a new and interesting job...

... then I'll be happy

keah